Kōan: D'Aloofrio's Paradox

Revered monk D'Aloofrio comes to town to test his students' ability to exercise humility by begging.

One by one, his students prostrate themselves, and then suggest ways that their studies might lead to more cost-efficient running of the monastery. One by one, D'Aloofrio rejects each idea.

'Why do this?' his students cry. 'We're doing exactly what you asked us to do, but you say no to everything we suggest, and then blame us for doing nothing!'

'I get paid a lot,' says D'Aloofrio.

Differently competent

Working at MegaCorp is like designing a public building. One has limited funds, but not so limited that it is impossible to build well. One has a startlingly baroque bureaucracy to navigate. One has all manner of Dims, resplendent in their total ignorance, scrutinising every last detail.

[One apparently starts to speak like Prince Charles after a while, doesn't one? We're using an architectural metaphor after all - do we not have on our hands an eyesore, a monstrous carbuncle? All one has to do to complete the homage is marry a horse and have a mysterious red-headed second son...]

A downside of public works is the need to cater for every possible minority concern in every conceivable combination. Ramp access and lifts are necessary, because being in a wheelchair needn't exclude you from the building. That's a unqualified good thing. Having to make signs in every possible language because some people can't be fucking bothered to learn the native language of the country they're living in... That's a different matter entirely.

When we build a system, we have our own minorities to whom we must pander. The Dimwatchers have to feel they can find their way around; so our signs need to be at least bilingual, English and Pedantic.

Then, the Dimlords have to manage systems that are technical in nature, but unfortunately they don't know anything technical that's less than ten years old -The poor Dim fools have been trapped in their ivory towers for years because the Dimwatchers insisted that over-technical locks be fitted to the doors. As a result, the signs are now triligual: English, Pedantic, and Condescending.

Now, the Dimcounters are all over everything, looking for opportunities to not spend any more money. No matter that MegaCorp has suffered a decade of under-investment under the yoke of former Dimlord-in-Chief Beachy Whale; what matters now is short-termist beancounting. We have to add layers of fantasy return-on-investment bullshit to the most simple tasks. Thus, signs are quadrilingual: English, Pedantic, Condescending and Lies.

Finally, and most importantly, we have to make everything we do accessible to middle-of-the-road Dims. These are our metaphorical equivalent of wheelchair-bound users of a building. They try their best, but it's not their fault that they're Differently Competent. We have to build them little brain ramps so they can more easily make tiny leaps of intellectual prowess on their own. We build ability lifts so they may rise to previously unattainable levels of ability, uninhibited by politically-unacceptable requirements for understanding, effort or basic talent. It's our job to make them feel better about themselves; we're glad to be of service.

Our poor, overloaded signs are now smart-arsed little Polyglots, written in English, Pedantic, Condescending, Lies and Bluff.